It happened on St. Patties.

A car pulls up a drive-thru speaker, “Hi, welcome to Burger Joint; what can I get for you today? Said the nice lady.

“I hear the Wicked Mint Blast Shake is back as of today. I would love to have one,” the driver said to the speaker.

“Yes, we do. Would that be all?”

“Yes, that would be it. I’ve been waiting for a long time.”

“Your total is $5.55, please pull forward.”

The shake was a Shamrock-inspired concoction sold every first quarter to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. After a few minutes, the man grabs the shake and pulls away from the lot. He takes a sip, and immediately, this love is reignited like lovers separated by the sea coming together once more. The shake, while expensive, was undoubtedly the best thing he’d ever experienced. He loves it so much that he went every single day three times a day to get one, all over the limited time period of just eight weeks. Same as the year before. He had them faithfully at 10 am, 2 pm, and 6 pm. This man had become obsessed with it.

Now, forward to March 17th, the last day of the promotion.

“Hi, Happy St. Patrick’s Day. How can I help you?

“Hi, yes, I’d like a Wicked Mint Blast shake,” the man said with excitement.

A moment of silence ensues, “Sir, I’m afraid to say that we’re currently out of stock.”

“Very funny; I would like a Wicked Mint Blast Shake, please.”

“I’m sorry, sir, as I mentioned before. We don’t have any. We’re actually sold out.”

“But that can’t be. It’s 10 am, it’s my first shake of the day, and you’re sold out? The promotion isn’t even over. Today is the last day, so you must sell it today. Please tell me you’re kidding. Sell me the shake. I’ll pay double for it.”

“I’m afraid not, sir; demand surely has exceeded supply. We’re out.”

The man is pensive, upset, like a drug addict, his body is asking for the shake. “Do you know if you’ll have it for 2 pm?”

“I’m sorry, sir, but we will not. We won’t get a delivery till tomorrow, and with the promotion ending today, we are not getting any more Wicked Mints. We do have the Easter Bunny Surprise shake. Can I interest you with that?”

“If I wanted the Easter Bunny Surprise, I would’ve ordered that!”

“Excuse me, sir, but there’s no need for sarcasm. I’m sorry this happened. I believe the other location, on Albany st, may have some left… Sir, sir… sir?”

The man sped off the drive-thru towards the next location.

“What was the hold-up, Sheila?” Said the manager on duty.

“Just some weirdo upset we ran out of mint shakes. Sorry, boss.”

The man was speeding through town. It was 10:15, and he had not had his shake. Upon arrival, he saw there were four cars ahead, yet service was slow. Some maintenance men were setting up signs advertising the upcoming Easter Bunny Surprise outside, which made him uncomfortable. Could this store be out of the mint shake he needed? ” It’s okay. I’ll just push it back an hour, that’s all,” he told himself, as he was already on edge.

After what feels like an eternity, he pulls to the speaker.

“Hi, welcome to Burger Joint. Can I help you?”

“Yes, please, I want a Wicked Mint Blast shake.”

Silence ensues. “Sir, I’m afraid we’re out, sir. Would you be interested in the Easter…”

The man drove off upset. He pulled to the curb, grabbed his GPS, and started searching for Burger Joint locations nearby. He found six of them. One by one, he went, and each location ran out. It was almost 7 p.m., way past his time. One location left.

“Sorry, sir. We just sold the last one to the family ahead,” said the teenager taking orders at this location.

Defeated, he thought about going home. But his desire and lust for this shake was insatiable. He needed to have one last one. So he did the crazy thing and followed that family home. He slowly observed as they pulled out of their vehicle and entered the nice ranch house. He saw one of the kids had a shake in his hand.

The man quickly ran to the family. ” Hi, sorry to interrupt, but I’ll do anything for that shake.”

“I’m sorry sir, but this belongs to David, go to Burger Joint and get one. ” Said the father, concerned over the random request.

“They sold out, all of them are,” he responded.

“Then go to the other chains.” The mother intervened as she grabbed David and pulled him to her.

“If I wanted the other brands, I would’ve gotten it. I want a Wicked Mint Blast shake. You don’t understand; I need it.”

“Alright, sir, what’s your name?”

“Kevin.”

“Alright, Kevin. I think it’s time for you to go. Martha, bring David inside.” The father spoke while Kevin stared at the shake in the boy’s hand. He stared at it with such desire, like a snake stares at a mouse. He took two steps forward and tried to take the shake away from the boy.

At this point the father punches Kevin, sends his family inside telling them to call the cops, the boy drops the shake onto the floor, spilling it. Kevin throws himself on the floor and starts licking it off the concrete. The father stares at this man. “What a loser, you need help, Kevin. The cops will see to that.”

Kevin continued licking the ground nervously, his thirst-quenching briefly. He could not stop. After a few moments, his face full of whipped cream, Kevin heard the cops. ” You don’t understand; I need this shake. Plus, my wife will leave me if I don’t bring her the cup. She collects these. ” He said as he grabbed the cup and made a run for it.

He makes it inside his home, but not long before, the father catches his license plate and hands it to the cops.

The lights are off inside his place, and constant plastic and clutter can be heard as he walks through his apartment. Kevin turns on the lights to show the entire house full of crap. A pigsty, even for hoarders, wouldn’t allow this mess. But worse is yet to come as Kevin makes it to his bedroom.

In the bed, his wife can be seen sitting upright. Kevin smiles, “Sorry it took me so long, honey, but I found you the last one of the year. Please don’t leave me now.” Kevin said with pride and worry.

Upon close inspection, you can see flies floating around, and the room carries a stench. His wife, a dead woman was surrounded by empty shake cups. Everything was made to look like a shrine. The entire sight was disturbing.

“Talk about sick.” Said one of the cops as three of them entered the room and arrested Kevin.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Written by Anthony Soto

It happened on St. Patties. (2024)

Copyright © 2024 Anthony Soto.

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